We are in week eight of Lockdown. What a strange time this is. I have been working as a play therapist for over ten years, building my practice with a passion for helping children understand their feelings better. Now I find myself in a time when everyone is experiencing a huge mix of confusing feelings and I am unable to offer support in the way I usually would. At times I am overwhelmed by a sense of helplessness, this situation is so out of our control.
I think about the children. How utterly confusing must this be. I see my 3 year old, while most of the time he seems completely oblivious to the situation I notice how he is having more meltdowns and has discovered the word “bored”. I overheard him in his play with his superhero toys saying “we just need to find the golden jewel that will bring things back to normal” and my heart broke a little. Indeed, things are not normal for this little guy. We have spent 3 years encouraging social behaviours and now when we see other people we walk a bit further away. We usually see his grandparents 3 or 4 times a week, in the last 8 weeks he has seen them twice, through a window. How strange it must be and yet our little ones are so resilient. There will be tears, there will be tantrums, I will hear “this is the worst day ever” more times but he will play on.
My 8 year old really misses normality. Her response when I use to pick her up from school and ask her how her day had been was “normal!” It has been awhile now since she could say that. She has realised that actually school is not that bad. Schoolwork at home is not going so well and while some weeks we have battled through it, I am leaning more and more toward unschooling for these next two months. Allowing her to follow her own interests and pursue things she enjoys. At a time when tensions are high, everyone is more anxious than usual, expecting children to sit down at a desk and do school work without a teacher is a big ask. I am delighted to see how the government are promoting play with lovely resources in their Let’s Play Ireland campaign- https://www.gov.ie/en/campaigns/lets-play-ireland/ I feel this is a time where the power of play and the incredible benefits it can have for children will be recognised.
It is also a hard time for teenagers. My 16 year old should be in Italy on her transition year school trip right now. At a time where independence and peer relationships are so important, it is very hard to be asked to be at home with your family all the time. It is a time that I am thankful for technology, that she can keep in touch with her friends.
This is certainly a challenging time to parent. And yet it is a great opportunity to engage with our children. Child-led play is so important during times like this, following their lead and seeing what comes up for them. See my “Building relationships through child-led play” blog below. It is also a chance to strengthen their understanding of feelings by naming their feelings and your own, so many, many mixed up feelings. Letting them know that every feeling is ok, though every behaviour is not. It is also a time to embrace boredom! I often speak about how scheduled children are nowadays and how they have grown to expect to know what is happening next. Now, during lockdown, they are less scheduled and are finding themselves bored and often boredom is where creativity and imagination springs from.
When spending every minute of the day with children, it is impossible to always be patient, to always get it right. It is so important to remember that there is no such thing as perfect parenting and we only need to be good enough. There will be lots of times over the next few months that we feel we managed a situation badly or we snapped at our kids, remembering to repair after any rupture will help our children grow stronger. They need to know that everyone makes mistakes. Recognising our mistakes and naming them is being a good model to our children. We also need to model self-care which is not always the easiest! Taking a little bit of time for ourselves, even if it is just sitting down with a cup of tea, is so important. I have noticed how a lot of us feel guilty if we complain or say we are finding things hard at the moment because we know there are others in more difficult situations. It is ok to be finding it hard and to name that, no matter what your situation is. Even if you are a celebrity with your own pool and cinema you are still in lockdown and it is not easy, for anyone. Now more than ever kindness is needed.
It is likely that some children will struggle with the transition back to school after this. There might be separation anxiety after being at home for so long. Some children might struggle more with social skills and interactions after so long away from practising these skills in bigger groups. There may be children who become more anxious about getting sick, about germs around them. A time will come when play therapy support can be available safely again and children can have the opportunity to work through these things. I really look forward to opening the doors of my playroom again.
In the meantime if any parent would like some support online please do email me at info@playtherapygalway.com.
Here’s a few recommendations of books that might be helpful:
Michael Rosen’s Book of Play- lovely ideas for sparking imagination and creativity.
15 minutes parenting- Joanna Fortune- excellent for explaining child led play and tips for connection.
The Whole brain child- Dan Siegel- excellent book to help understand your child’s brain better and technique to help with lots of situations.
The Opposite of Worry- Lawrence Cohen- lots of ideas for helping with anxieties and fears.